UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE

[spah]

MANN VS. MACHINE

A robot army is invading Mann Co., a multinational company known for weapons, munitions, and hats. If you didn't know, they own 306 plants, office buildings, warehouses, and outlet malls in New Mexico alone. You may or may not work for them. One way or another, Saxton Hale, CEO and incredibly shirtless Australian man, has hired (or re-hired) you to defend his facilities worldwide from the robot invasion.

The robots were made by Gray Mann, owner of Gray Gravel Co. (headquartered on an island, made of spiky rock formations and gravel) and set on taking Mann Co. from Hale via, you know, robots. He them made himself, and vaguely resemble nine mercenaries infamous in New Mexico.

For your information and viewing, Hale has sent a tape explaining the situation. Simultaneously, he's wrestling a yeti. Between punching, blood, and some on-and-off asides from the cameraman, the jist of the speech goes like this:

"LISTEN UP, MERCS!

THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!

I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.

"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.

Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!

NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!

I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"

For reasons the woman who gave you the tape can't comprehend or explain, the robots run on piles of money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours. Get to Mann Co. immediately.

✘ Mann vs. Machine is a co-op mode from the video game Team Fortress 2. In MvM, you and others fight off waves of killer robots set on delivering an enormous bomb to your base. Familiarity with TF2 isn't necessary! Though MvM has game-specific facets, feel free to treat this is a good 'ol-fashioned robot army fighting meme. You know. Those ones.

HOW TO PLAY:
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!

Comments

[crabbmarche]

[Part of Spy wants to say, "Well, you don't have to live with the knowledge that something that annoying partially came from you".

He doesn't. Instead, he swings around and, with two shots, the last Scout 'bot falls. He waits for a moment to see if there's anything else going to be sneaking around the corner before saying,]

Clear.

[spah]

[I mean, you could. Engie knows, dude. They all know.

Anyway. The last one goes down, and Engineer finally relents. He exhales - then exhales, and realizes he's not taking in nearly enough air. Damn. Didn't even realize he was out of breath.]

Phew.

[He brings an arm up to swing his wrench over his shoulder - and winces. The adrenaline quickly draining out of him reminds him where he was shot. Smarts, but he'll life. He turns to Spy.]

Much obliged, pard.

[crabbmarche]

[Shh. Let him pretend. Spy sighs heavily, holstering his gun and nodding to Engineer before taking a step forward. And then immediately collapsing against a wall as his leg gives out. All that maneuvering is catching up to his injured self.

He catches himself just enough that he doesn't fall over completely, pushing himself back up with a little effort.]

Yes. But obligation won't mean much unless we get to safety. How is your arm?

[spah]

[Yikes. Engineer reaches out to try and catch the other merc, but Spy does some of it on his own. He exhales some relief, and shakes his head.]

I'll live. Just take my other arm, or I really will drop you.

[crabbmarche]

[Spy nods and reaches out. He tries not to put too much weight on Engie, but he overextended himself and goddamn does it sting. Both his pride and his leg.]

Thankfully, you've proven reliable more often than not.

[...Was that a compliment? You really should get him first aid, he's becoming delirious.]

[spah]

Is that a compliment?

[Oh no. Don't think you're getting away with this, Spy. Once Engie had a proper hold on Spy, he walks forward.]

Well, after four years, I'd sure damn hope so. You sure you didn't get a bat in the head, though?

[See: Engineer's shit-eating grin.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy rolls his eyes. See? This is what happens when you try to be appreciative. Never again, he tells himself for the hundredth time.]

I know. I fear my injuries may be worse than they seem. We should hurry.

[...Okay, he's got a little bit of a smirk on his face.]

[spah]

It's too late. We'll never revert the damage. You gotta compliment me forever now.

[He's taking him up the hill anyway.]

[crabbmarche]

I would almost rather you leave me to the robots.

[Please don't actually leave him to the robots, they're mildly terrifying up close.

Now that he's been letting his leg resting a little, he puts a little more weight on it, taking more of the load off of Engineer. He hates feeling useless.]

[spah]

I could still drop you.

[Now it's an offer instead of a threat. Anyway. Engie feels Spy shift his weight. He blinks up.]

Hey, don't overdo it.

[crabbmarche]

And you probably would.

[He does have to admit, Engie's got quite the backbone. He waves it off; he's still supporting himself on Engineer, but limping along so they move a little faster now.]

I am not entirely useless yet.

[spah]

Neither am I. [Said firmly.] Besides, you won't be useless in a couple minutes anyway.

[crabbmarche]

[Never let it be said that Spy isn't a stubborn asshole. He manages another half of a minute before he realizes it's better to not push himself and takes the extra weight off of his leg.

Stupid Engineers and their logic. Although they do seem to be in the clear for now, so perhaps he can afford not to rush it.]

if you wanna take this in a different direction lmk, i can change my tag

[spah]

[Suit himself. Engineer doesn't argue much after that. It's not going to matter when they get back to base. He'll heal the both of them, and they'll be fine.

In fact, the base was just ahead of them now. He could see his sentry guarding the hatch, his dispenser near the door...

... and a big damn Soldier robot rounding the corner.]

Good night Irene.

[Engie hisses and pulls them into a doorway, out of sight. He reaches behind his fact and retrieves his shotgun.

Which also means he's dropping Spy.

Sorry.]

it's good!

[crabbmarche]

[He spoke too soon.

Spy kind of hits the dirt with an undignified grunt, crawling to lean against the wall and reach for his revolver. If he resents being dropped, he's not saying so. Instead, he stays quiet, looking up to Engineer with a furrowed brow to ask 'what now?'.]

[spah]

["What now" is a good question. Engineer mouths a curse to himself and looks down at Spy. Who he dropped. Good job.]

You ain't walking, I'm guessin'.

[He's pretty sure not. He just wants to check before they throw his first idea out the window.

[crabbmarche]

I could crawl or limp. Walking will be more difficult.

[There's already blood on his suit. His pride isn't going to get in the way of survival. If it's any consolation, Engie, he doesn't even look mad about being dropped.]

[spah]

Yeah, probably not gonna work. [Engie reaches into his belt and pulls out his remote-control Wrangler.] I was thinkin' of distracting it while you finish it off.

[See, Engineer has the big guns, but Spy has sappers and a knife that does a ridiculous amount of backstab damage. Again robot backs. Go figure.]

Any alternatives? Unless... hang on.

[Engie freezes. There's that glint - the kind that where light conveniently shines against his goggles when he's got a wild idea. He crouches next to the other merc, and he's already grinning.]

Gimme your stuff.

[This gonna be a wild idea. Here him out: Engineer with knife. Spy with big remote-control gun. Change classes.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy nods. The original plan is simple enough, and he's carefully climbing up the wall to a standing position when Engineer pauses. He sees that glint. He knows that tone of voice.

Still, he's a little baffled, staring at Engineer for a moment.]

What?

[spah]

We're gonna trade.

[No time to be wry about it. He holds out the Wrangler to Spy and points to two buttons underneath the control toggle.]

You seen me use this before. This button sets the sentry to manual control. This button shoots rockets. And the toggle controls where you aim - just push down when you wanna shoot.

[Whether or not Spy actually takes it, Engie sets the Wrangler in his lap anyway - and realizes there's blood on it. He looks down at his palm. It's red - leftover from his wound dripping down his arm. His eyes follow up. and he realizes just how big the bloodstain has bloomed around his arm. Dammit.

He sighs at tears at his sleeve until he has a scrap of cloth to wrap around it.]

I can at least take the knife and get close to 'em.

[crabbmarche]

[Well, this could either work, or they could both die in a rocket blast. Either way, Spy sighs and relents, taking the Wrangler and frowning. Engineer's wound seems to be getting worse, so it's now or never.

He holds out the butterfly knife, then pauses and flips it open, carefully taking the blade and offering the handle to Engineer.]

Alright. I trust you know how to use a knife.

[spah]

[Yeah, no. Engie's brain runs equation a mile a minute. Of course he knows. Worst-case senarios aren't going to help them, though. This thing had to get dead.]

Had one in my back enough times. I know where it goes.

[Granted, robot backs are significantly harder than human backs. But Engie's studied them before. He knows where to stab.

Engie wraps his makeshift bandage around his arm before taking the knife with the same side. Arm won't help much, but they don't have a choice. He slaps Spy's shoulder with his free hand.]

Hey. Between your leg and my arm, we're about one person. Let's do it.

[crabbmarche]

[Spy's been playing with the Wrangler a little, just getting used to the grip and actually laughs at that, quietly but warmly.]

One capable person.

[That's the closest to saying he trusts you on this one that he can get.]

Allez.

[spah]

Damn right.

[Engineer flashes a lopsided smile before he turns away. He moves quickly, quietly out the doorway and across an opening between the two buildings. Then he catches sight of the titan-sized robot coming around the corner again, and he ducks behind a crate pile. Thank god this old factory just had boxes full of quicklime lying around everywhere.

He grips the knife in his hand and waits. They're going to need that distraction about now, and he can see his sentry in the distance. They were both just barely out of the gun's automatous range.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy nods, and as Engineer moves in, he inches closer to the door so he can actually see where he's aiming. He takes a moment to assess; he needs to draw the Soldier just away enough that it doesn't see Engineer but make sure it's in distance for him to move quickly.

He means to just shoot at the Soldier, get it to turn around, but accidentally sends a volley of rockets crashing against the wall a good few feet to the side of it.

...He never said he was good with technology.]