UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE

[spah]

MANN VS. MACHINE

A robot army is invading Mann Co., a multinational company known for weapons, munitions, and hats. If you didn't know, they own 306 plants, office buildings, warehouses, and outlet malls in New Mexico alone. You may or may not work for them. One way or another, Saxton Hale, CEO and incredibly shirtless Australian man, has hired (or re-hired) you to defend his facilities worldwide from the robot invasion.

The robots were made by Gray Mann, owner of Gray Gravel Co. (headquartered on an island, made of spiky rock formations and gravel) and set on taking Mann Co. from Hale via, you know, robots. He them made himself, and vaguely resemble nine mercenaries infamous in New Mexico.

For your information and viewing, Hale has sent a tape explaining the situation. Simultaneously, he's wrestling a yeti. Between punching, blood, and some on-and-off asides from the cameraman, the jist of the speech goes like this:

"LISTEN UP, MERCS!

THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!

I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.

"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.

Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!

NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!

I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"

For reasons the woman who gave you the tape can't comprehend or explain, the robots run on piles of money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours. Get to Mann Co. immediately.

✘ Mann vs. Machine is a co-op mode from the video game Team Fortress 2. In MvM, you and others fight off waves of killer robots set on delivering an enormous bomb to your base. Familiarity with TF2 isn't necessary! Though MvM has game-specific facets, feel free to treat this is a good 'ol-fashioned robot army fighting meme. You know. Those ones.

HOW TO PLAY:
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!

Comments

[bombatea]

Bloke who can appreciate a good explosion sounds like a bloke I wouldn't mind meetin'.

[He furrows his brow after a moment, though.]

Or wait - if he's from up north. He's not the posh type, right?

[spah]

He's got a haunted eye, a talking sword, and he loves scotch.

[You'd like him, is what he's saying.]

[bombatea]

[Junkrat nods. Then, he stops and just kind of peers at Engineer for a second, trying to discern if Engineer is fucking with him about the sword and the eye and whatnot. The scotch at least is believable.]

You folks really are a bunch of weirdos.

[He says it fondly, though. Weird is good. Weird is familiar.]

[spah]

Yeah, well. We ain't so different either.

[Which is when Engineer pulls the glove off his hand and shows off the Gunslinger. Ayyyy.]

[bombatea]

[Well, that's interesting. Not the mechanical hand bit, he saw people with fake limbs all the damn time in the Outback. One of the harsh realities. What's interesting is how intricate it is. He whistles, leaning forward to look at it from every angle.]

Beaut. You build that yourself? I lifted mine off a robot, meself. Not like that bucket of bolts needed it anymore.

[Voice drifting slightly venomous towards the end, he holds up his false hand to compare sizes.]

[spah]

Yep. My granddaddy designed it, did the same thing to himself. I tweaked it for my own doin'. but the schematic's mostly his.

[He turns it over and flexes the fingers. Grinning, he then brings it down and taps at a few buttons on the cuff.

As for Junk's hand, Engie blinks up at it and leans over. Curious, as always.]

Hell, they make robots like that? [Color him impressed.] How'dja attach it?

[bombatea]

They made all kinds of robots back home. All kinds.

[Junkrat frowns deeply. This is a bit of a sore spot for him, evidently. But he shakes his head pulls back.]

We got a lotta folks back home that need things like these. Just a matter of gettin' me on the table and gettin' me to stop wrigglin'.

[...Wait a tic.]

"Did it to 'imself"? You mean you cut off your own damn hand?

[spah]

There some kind of base, then?

[Engie's about 100+ years behind you, Junkrat. The 1970s might have teleportation and necromancy but tissue rejection is still a thing!!

Anyway. The merc looks up.]

Yup.

[bombatea]

Yikes. Must've been worth it.

[Junkrat just kind of shrugs, looking at his arm and frowning. He takes the screwdriver again and tightens something on his cuff.]

Dunno much about the med side of things. Better at fixin' things up or makin' 'em go boom.

[spah]

[Ah. Engineer cocks his head.]

Fair 'nough. I've been learnin' a few things from our Medic, so I guess that's part of it.

[He shrugs himself, then slips his gloves back on.]

If that's what robot arms look like where you come from, though, I'd kill to see the rest of 'em.

[bombatea]

Some of 'em try and look like people. Not this one though. Like a big box with tank treads.

[Junkrat wiggles in the chair a little bit. He doesn't like sitting still for this long, but Engie's keeping his attention for now.]

Not a big fan of doctors.

[spah]

Interestin'. Guess I oughta meet 'em sometime.

[He blinks up at Junkrat.]

Oh, heh. Neither's our Scout. Medic's an alright. Just, eh... eccentric. [yeah no lol he's just being polite about it[

[bombatea]

Only if you're gonna be meetin' 'em to blow 'em up.

[He can't hide the venom in his voice this time.]

Folks used to say that about me! Eventually decided 'annoying' and 'never amount to anything' fit better. Sure showed them! Blowin' up robots that give you money's a pretty good gig.

[spah]

I mean, I've done that too. [Engie shrugs.] But see? Y'fit right in, boy.

[bombatea]

Good.

[He sniffles and nods and leans back, doodling on a schematic for a jump mine.]

Well, first time for everythin', right? Anyway. That arm ain't all you've designed, right? You build workin' stuff.

[spah]

Oh, I designed a lot more than that before this little number.

[Engineer flexes his hand (now behind his glove, but whatever) before he stands up and moves to a toolbox set next to his side of the workbench.

He picks up a PDA (probably pretty archaic for Overwatch's era) and taps a few buttons. The toolbox then unfolds itself, twisting and turning and re-shaping itself until it eventually settled into a Level 3 Sentry Gun, complete with belt-fed ammunition and a rocket artiller y port.]

Heavy caliber, tripod mounted, 100% mobile for any situation your heart desires.

[bombatea]

[Junkrat's eyes widen a little bit. You can almost hear the gears turning in his head as he makes the effort to figure out what just happened.

He gets up and hobbles on over to the sentry to give it a glance-over, whistling appreciatively.]

Hooly dooly. S'all automated too? That's a force to be reckoned with.

[spah]

You bet it is, son.

[Engie nods as he pats at the sentry's machine gun attachments.]

Mostly automated. I can switch to manual mode with a remote-control wrangler. This is the fully upgraded version, too. Usually, I gotta strategize on the spot. And this ain't the only thing I gotta set-up before a fight either. When you play it smart, though, it ain't too hard.

[bombatea]

[Yeah, he's impressed. He stands up straight, hands on hips, and nods.]

Nice. S'all set up in that lil' toolbox, huh? Wish the tire could collapse like that, it's killer on me back.

[spah]

Y'ever thought of lighter materials?

[To most people, that's probably a semi-condescending question. But engineer to engineer, for real. Are light materials an option for you??]

[bombatea]

Tire needs to be thick enough for the bombs and spokes, and if ya go smaller, then ya might as well just use a mine.

[At least he's gotten some sick abs out of the deal. Junkrat sighs and flops back down in the chair.]

No pain, no gain. The boom's worth it.

[spah]

Eh.

[Alright, he gets it.]

Guess I understand. These things are still pretty heavy when they're folded up too.

[bombatea]

Ya can't make an omelet without blowing up a few eggs.

[He pauses.]

...Wait, that's not - eh, whatever. Y'know what I mean.