spah: (i solve practical problems)
Engineer | Dell Conagher ([personal profile] spah) wrote in [community profile] rackofbadcds2018-03-22 10:41 am
Entry tags:

UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE



A robot army is invading Mann Co., a multinational company known for weapons, munitions, and hats. If you didn't know, they own 306 plants, office buildings, warehouses, and outlet malls in New Mexico alone. You may or may not work for them. One way or another, Saxton Hale, CEO and incredibly shirtless Australian man, has hired (or re-hired) you to defend his facilities worldwide from the robot invasion.

The robots were made by Gray Mann, owner of Gray Gravel Co. (headquartered on an island, made of spiky rock formations and gravel) and set on taking Mann Co. from Hale via, you know, robots. He them made himself, and vaguely resemble nine mercenaries infamous in New Mexico.

For your information and viewing, Hale has sent a tape explaining the situation. Simultaneously, he's wrestling a yeti. Between punching, blood, and some on-and-off asides from the cameraman, the jist of the speech goes like this:

"LISTEN UP, MERCS!

THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!


I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.

"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.

Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!

NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!

I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"

For reasons the woman who gave you the tape can't comprehend or explain, the robots run on piles of money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours. Get to Mann Co. immediately.



✘ Mann vs. Machine is a co-op mode from the video game Team Fortress 2. In MvM, you and others fight off waves of killer robots set on delivering an enormous bomb to your base. Familiarity with TF2 isn't necessary! Though MvM has game-specific facets, feel free to treat this is a good 'ol-fashioned robot army fighting meme. You know. Those ones.

HOW TO PLAY:
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!

malpractitioner: (You look like an ad for death)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-04-21 10:14 am (UTC)(link)
A.

[If Medic notices the sudden change of subject (which, duh, how could he not?), he doesn't mention it. He's more than happy to let Dell pretend like the previous conversation never happened, and move right on forward into less awkward waters.]

[He pushes away from the counter, slipping the cigar into his pocket as he moves to resume his futile search for something interesting within the once-hallowed halls of the pharmacy.]

Would that maybe be contingent on whether or not you can convince her to allow a group of mercenaries within a hundred yards of her infant son?

[He grins, because pointing out how they're all a bunch of armed and dangerous lunatics never stops being funny, then turns his attention back to a pill-bottle with an unfamiliar label. Medic squints, trying to make sense of the name, but it just doesn't ring any bells. Must be some sort of off-brand medication, maybe something foreign or quite possibly illegal in most parts of the country.]

[Medic stares for a moment more, considering the possible uses and side effects, before shrugging his shoulders, popping the cap, and shaking a few of the pills directly into his mouth.]

[He swallows them dry because he's just Powerful like that, and cringes at the bitter aftertaste.]

Ach. Well, the next twenty four hours are going to be interesting.



B

[Wow okay rude. Medic is the only person allowed to steal medical equipment, Engie needs to get his own shtick.]

Wh - Don't be ridiculous. I've only just begun to refine the reanimation process.

[He's just gonna try and take that pen back, because he doesn't actually expect Engie to fight him on this - the first of many wrong assumptions his sleep deprived brain will make tonight.]

I'll need to work through the night if I'm to have eight more machines ready before the next attack.
malpractitioner: (Get away from me)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-04-22 07:06 am (UTC)(link)
A.

[Medic turns, flashing Engineer a bright, entirely unapologetic smile.]

That's what we're going to find out.

[He holds the bottle up, giving it a playful little shake before setting it on the counter.]

Granted, I could have crushed the pills and analyzed the powder in my lab, but this much more fun.

[Apparently tripping balls or having a horrible, potentially life-threatening allergic reaction qualifies as Fun in Medic's book.]


B.

[Medic opens his mouth to argue, a finger raised mid-air to accentuate whatever point he's about to make, but no words come. He just sort of stalls out, the gears in his head slowing to a crawl as he realizes he doesn't actually have a good counter to Engie's argument]

[Medic abruptly drops his hand, his jaw clicking shut as he levels Engineer with a flat, exasperated look. Damn him for being so reasonable.]

If anyone dies, their blood will be on your hands. And then your blood will be on my hands.

[Don't worry Engie, he doesn't mean it. He definitely sounds like he does, and the murderous expression on his face certainly gives support to that idea, but you know him. He just gets a little cranky when he's tired.]
malpractitioner: (Insanity is just a state of mind)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-04-23 07:57 am (UTC)(link)
A.

[Medic snorts, not even bothering to tone down his skepticism.]

I doubt there's anything here that cannot be found in any other pharmacy in the country.

[If he sounds bitter about that, it's because he is.]

Unless...

[He pauses, a sudden thought occurring to him. Abruptly, he places a hand on the counter behind him and hops over it, not because he's in any particular hurry but because boyhood habits die hard.]

[He pushes aside a few boxes with his boot, clearing the space in front of the cash-register. A rubber mat now covers the floor, likely to protect the old wooden floorboards from further weathering.]

[Or, if Medic's hunch is correct, to hide something the new owners didn't want to acknowledge.]

Auf keinen Fall. They wouldn't have--

[He kicks aside the mat, and immediately breaks into an ecstatic grin. He laughs, giddy and incredulous and glad, before quickly turning to Engineer and waving him to come over immediately.]

It's still here! By Gott, it's still here!

B.

[Fffffffff oh goddamn it Engie he can't stay mad at you.]

[Damn you and your awful, awful jokes that hit him right in the funny bone.]

[Medic fights valiantly against a smile, but despite his best efforts his expression is forcefully softened from a scowl into a look of fond annoyance.]

I'll bring you back just to kill you a second time. Well see how many smart comments you'll be making then.

[Ah, bantering back and forth about hypothetical murder scenarios. What a wholesome bonding activity.]
malpractitioner: (Default)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-04-25 09:53 am (UTC)(link)
A.

[Medic is practically buzzing with excitement by the time Engineer moseys on over to the other side of the counter. His smile is wide, his eyes are bright, and if not for all the evidence gathered over the years that suggests that he's just like this, you'd think he was high - probably on all those pills he just took.]

[Alas, the only thing Medic is high on right now is life.]

Eheh. Something the neighbors would have destroyed if they had ever found it.

[Medic gestures downwards, directing Engie's attention to a square section of wood that appears just a bit darker than the surrounding flooring.]

[Medic wastes little time in kneeling down to pry it up, revealing the dark, steep stairwell hidden beneath it. Immediately the scent of stale air creeps up from the underground, musty and thick. Not that Medic seems to mind.]



B.

[If Medic had his way, he would have simply stayed in his lab and slept on one of the gurneys as he is wont, but something tells him that wouldn't have flown with Engie. Not just because sleeping on something you wheel dead or dying folks around on is questionable, but because if he remained in his lab the temptation to return to work would be ever-present.]

[Damn Dell and his forward thinking.]

We'll see how sweet you think I am once I program your reanimator to revive you without any bones.

[It's a hollow threat, not because he isn't perfectly capable of doing just that, but because he would never actually follow though on it. Well, not unless Dell somehow made himself his enemy overnight, but that goes without saying.]
malpractitioner: (you are a gentleman and a lady)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-04-26 09:17 am (UTC)(link)
A

[Oh, Engie. You know him so well.]

And operating theater.

[Because of course Medic's family preformed surgical procedures in their creepy underground cellar. Of course they did.]

They were a pair of many talents, my parents. The did not restrict themselves to only a single field of medicine.

[He's just gonna go ahead and not elaborate on why he used the past tense right there and instead start making his way down the stairs, fully expecting Engie to follow behind him without needing to be prompted.]



B

[You know, he wasn't terribly enthused about this whole going to sleep idea before, but now that his bed is within sight Medic suddenly feels like maybe he didn't give Engie's suggestion of going the fuck to sleep the consideration it deserved. It's not a half bad idea, really. Not half-bad at all.]

My, how forward of you Herr Ingenieur. So eager to get me into bed.

[What really sells this joke is the fact that Medic makes the point to take off his tie as he says it, just to really drive the innuendo home.]
malpractitioner: (Default)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-04-27 09:35 am (UTC)(link)
A.

Refined, yes. Built, no.

[He keeps a hand along the wall as they travel further down and the light becomes even more scarce, just to give himself a better idea of where he is relative to the rest of the narrow stairwell.]

It was a bomb shelter, originally. Most houses in the village have them.

[For...pretty obvious reasons.]

Either the new owners never found it, or they were too afraid to open the hatch and see what's inside.

[He chuckles at the thought, and wouldn't you know it, his already creepy laugh somehow sounds even more disconcerting when it's echoing in a dark, cold stairwell.]


B.

[Medic gasps in mock-surprise and puts a hand to his chest, feigning deep, personal insult.]

Ach, Liebling, you wound me. I thought we had something special, but now I see you only want me for my looks.

[He really should just shut up and go to bed already, but God help him he's got a weakness for witty banter.]
malpractitioner: (you are a gentleman and a lady)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-05-01 04:32 am (UTC)(link)
A.

[Medic scoffs, not at Engie's guess but at the fact he's probably right.]

Ridiculous. What did they think we were keeping down here, the boogeyman?

[Medic holds his hand out as they descend the last few steps, waving it from left to right until he feels a thin metal chain brush against his fingers. He gives the chain a pull, and my some miracle the old bulb mounted overhead slowly begins to brighten, illuminating the small room at the foot of the stairs with a soft, muddy glow.]

Now let's see. [He squints, trying to get a better look at the brick wall before them.] If I remember correctly, the door should be right...

[He runs his hand along the wall, feeling for a particularly loose brick.]

...Here!

[Medic removes the brick, revealing the handle hidden behind it. He gives it a turn, then presses his shoulder against the wall. It swings open with some reluctance, its hinges creaking and groaning in protest.]

[In fairness to the hidden door, it's been decades since it was last opened. It has every right to be a little rusty.]


B

[Laughter is contagious, especially when you've reached the point of sleep-deprivation that Medic has, where you teeter precariously on the razors edge of mania and hysteria. He laughs, a little weakly by his usual standards, and shakes his head at himself. Okay, yeah, no, Engie's right. He needs a fucking nap.]

Ja, ja. I heard you the first time, Vati.

[He makes a shooing motion with his hand, as though he doesn't know damn well that Engie isn't going to turn around and leave just because he's been dismissed.]

Off you go. The door's on the wall.
malpractitioner: (Default)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-05-08 06:21 am (UTC)(link)
A.

[Once the door creaks open, Medic wastes no time stepping into the hidden room and hitting the lightswitch. The bulbs overhead hum lowly as they power on, flickering for a few moments before emitting a steady, pale glow.]

[In fairness to Engie's earlier joke, the laboratory does look very much like someone re-purposed the set of Nosferatu for medical storage. The stone walls are lined with shelves and cabinets, each packed to the brim with supplies and equipment that range from (formerly) modern to downright medieval in terms of technological age. At a glance, it could very easily be mistaken for a small medical history museum, a personal collection of the various tools of the surgical trade.]

[Upon closer inspection, however, it becomes apparent that these items aren't for display but active use - you know, assuming the drains in the floor and the bloodstained medical table in the center of the room aren't just for decoration.]

...Gott, it's just the way we left it.

[Give him a sec Engie he's just gonna stand in the doorway and bask in nostalgia for a moment before remembering someone else would probably like to walk into the room too. He quickly steps aside once he realizes he's blocking the door and offers Engie a sheepish smile before waving him in.]

[Sorry bro he was lost in the moment.]

Come in, come in! Let me show you around.

[Yeah come walk into my parlor said the spider to the fly.]

B.

[Medic pauses to give Engie a look, the flat, incredulous kind that says 'You're joking' without the need for words.]

You're joking.

[Look he's tired he has every right to be as redundant was he damn well pleases.]

malpractitioner: (Get away from me)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-05-17 12:17 am (UTC)(link)
A.
[Medic can't help but smile at Engie's response - as healthy as his self-esteem is on its own, praise like that coming from a scientific peer makes for one hell of an ego boost.]

What can I say? We're German. Efficiency is in our blood.

[He claps a hand on Engie's shoulder, hoping to steer him towards the operating table - the centerpiece of the entire room.]

Look there. How many lives do you think were saved, right at this spot?


B.

[If Medic looks like he's just been called the fuck out and knows it, it's because he has. He stands there, mouth slightly agape, almost unable to comprehend just how hard Engie has him pegged.]

[Then he frowns, looking every bit like the petulant child he's being treated as, and raises his hands as though to say 'what the hell, dude?']

I wasn't going to at first, but now I feel like I should just on principle.

[The principle of spite, he means.]
malpractitioner: (you are a gentleman and a lady)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-05-22 06:48 am (UTC)(link)
A

[Medic grins, giving Engie's shoulder a little squeeze and shove combo to congratulate him for his entirely accurate assessment.]

You're not wrong.

[Nice humble-brag there Medic.]

Even when business was slow, that table was rarely ever unoccupied for more than a week at a time.

[He lets out a quiet, self-depreciating chuckle and shakes his head, then reaches out to run his fingers over the the table, creating trails in the fine layer of dust that has accumulated atop of it over the many years since its abandonment.]

Granted, that was mostly my own doing. As a boy, I had the habit of bringing home strays then begging my mother to fix them. She never had the heart to tell me no.

[Engie better hope he has a camera on him, because this is perhaps the first and last time he'll ever see Medic smiling in a way that isn't the least bit sinister, intentionally or otherwise. Turns out all that's needed to soften his usually-sharp smile is to get him to talk about his mom, who knew?]


B

[See, Medic wasn't gonna be a petty bitch about this at first, but now he feels like he has no other choice.]

[Smug grin, meet defiant, deadpan stare.]

Or, hypothetically, I could just stand here and continue to waste your time.

malpractitioner: (you are a gentleman and a lady)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-06-13 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
A

[Hopefully Engie doesn't mind a brief lull in the conversation - it's not often Medic finds himself lost in wholesome thought, and he wants to take a moment to enjoy the novelty of it.]

Ja. She was.

[Medic hesitates a moment, unsure whether he wants to broach the subject any further. There's really only so much dancing around he can do before the obvious questions are raised, and he'd rather not take this conversation into potentially awkward territory.]

[But then again, Medic is proud as hell of his mother and he would be remiss if he didn't make it very clear why that is.]

She taught me everything I did not teach myself.

[Just in case Engie had any remaining doubts that Medic actually went to medical school or had any sort of formal training whatsoever.]


B

[Medic will stop being stubborn when he finally figures out what part of his brain to scoop out. Until then, Engie's just gonna have to deal.]

It's simply a statement of fact.

[Which is to say, yeah, it's definitely a threat.]
malpractitioner: (Default)

[personal profile] malpractitioner 2018-06-18 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
A

[Medic snorts, equal parts derisive and amused.]

In the court of public opinion she was little more than a glorified nurse, but by all rights, she was doctor - the finest in all of Bavaria.

[He pauses to nudge Engie's shoulder, directing him towards a where several framed documents are hung. Medic takes a moment to wipe the dust away from the glass panes, revealing the aged papers beneath. The writing is all in German of course, but the formatting should be familiar enough for Engie to recognize them for what they are: certificates, degrees, and awards - at least a dozen of them.]

Not wanting to let her brilliance go unrecognized, my father let her practice under his name.

[He chuckles, amused by a private joke, before deciding he may as well let this particular cat out of the bag.]

--Which was her's to begin with. You'll notice the award reads Humboldt, not Moreau.

[Yeah, his Father took his Mother's surname instead of the other way around. There was some legal trouble he had to dodge, a whole new identity he needed to forge, you know how it goes.]

B

[Woah woah WOAH.]

[HEY]

[WOAH]

[LETS MAYBE NOT WITH THE PUSH--aaand never mind it's happening.]

[Under normal circumstances it would take a lot more than a shove to knock Medic's ass over, but he hasn't slept in literal days and Engie's got really meaty arms okay. He can't be blamed for falling like a tree - but he totally can be blamed for reaching out to snag one of Engie's overall straps while he does.]

[Really, he just meant to grab onto something to keep himself from falling, but this works too.]

[If he's going down he's taking you with him fucker.]