Engineer | Dell Conagher (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spah) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
rackofbadcds2018-03-22 10:41 am
spah) wrote in rackofbadcds2018-03-22 10:41 am
Entry tags:
UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE
A robot army is invading Mann Co., a multinational company known for weapons, munitions, and hats. If you didn't know, they own 306 plants, office buildings, warehouses, and outlet malls in New Mexico alone. You may or may not work for them. One way or another, Saxton Hale, CEO and incredibly shirtless Australian man, has hired (or re-hired) you to defend his facilities worldwide from the robot invasion.
The robots were made by Gray Mann, owner of Gray Gravel Co. (headquartered on an island, made of spiky rock formations and gravel) and set on taking Mann Co. from Hale via, you know, robots. He them made himself, and vaguely resemble nine mercenaries infamous in New Mexico.
For your information and viewing, Hale has sent a tape explaining the situation. Simultaneously, he's wrestling a yeti. Between punching, blood, and some on-and-off asides from the cameraman, the jist of the speech goes like this:
"LISTEN UP, MERCS!
THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!
I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.
"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.
Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!
NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!
I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"
For reasons the woman who gave you the tape can't comprehend or explain, the robots run on piles of money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours. Get to Mann Co. immediately.THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!
I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.
"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.
Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!
NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!
I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"
✘ Mann vs. Machine is a co-op mode from the video game Team Fortress 2. In MvM, you and others fight off waves of killer robots set on delivering an enormous bomb to your base. Familiarity with TF2 isn't necessary! Though MvM has game-specific facets, feel free to treat this is a good 'ol-fashioned robot army fighting meme. You know. Those ones.
HOW TO PLAY:
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!
no subject
Oh, Ja, ask the medic to play soldier with a literal death machine. That will go fantastisch.
[He cocks the shotgun, now more irritated with the situation than alarmed by it. Still, for all his grumbling, he still dashes forward and takes aim. The shotgun's limited range means he has to bring himself uncomfortably close to the robot in order to guarantee a solid hit.]
[Not that he can complain too much. After all, he's used to working with even shorter distances with the Medigun, to say nothing of his trusty bonesaw. Alas, he has neither on hand at the moment - not that either would be particularly useful in distracting the Heavy.]
[Speaking of -]
Oh Schätzchen~
[He hopes the Heavy likes having a knee full of buckshot, because that's what he's getting.]
btw you can write the robot doing whatever you wanna too!
He's pretty sure they're just watching now.]
Trust me, doc. You don't wanna do what I'm doin'!
[Whatever. He takes the chance and jumps onto the back of the bot's busted knee. He starts climbing it like a tree, with practiced ease that came from ten years of roughnecking in west Texas oilfields. Most of the things he climbed back then weren't moving, but hey. Improvising came with his job.
He takes the time to peer over and get a look at Medic.]
Schätzchen, huh?
[Look at this motherfucker who says he doesn't know German. He grins, gives a two-fingered salute, then disappears behind the bot.]
Aha ha I will find a way to abuse this power eventually
Verpiss dich, Engie.
[He says it fondly, as only a man as chipper and unflappable as Medic can while actively dodging a kick from a pissed off robot that only has motor control over its legs.]
[Unfortunately for the Heavy, Medic is a quick little bunny and getting the hell out of the way is his forte. It isn't hard to dodge out of the way of that massive metal boot, not just because it moves so slowly but because the bot's aim leaves much to be desired. In fairness to the Heavy, it's a bit hard to see where you're kicking when your arms are being moved up and down in front of your face as the man controlling them climbs up your back like a damn squirrel.]
[Taking aim, Medic decides to buy Engie a little more time to do whatever it is he's doing by putting another dent in the Heavy's knee. The ensuing bang is deafening, and Medic suspects it hurts his ears more than it does the Heavy's joint, but it can't be helped. All he can do is keep firing and dodging kicks until he finally gets this bastard down on one knee.]
--How much longer before before he proposes, do you think?
[Medic grins, because he thinks he's just hilarious, and fires another shot at the bot's knee.]
[Behind the doors, some muffled shit-giving can be heard as the rest of the team cracks a few jokes at Mikhail's expense.]
i can't wait
[But he's gets the gist of it - the one-fingered salute helped.
The plan's going good so far. Engineer was on its upper back now, clinging to its bandolier and shimmying upward. Every so often he's bounced forward as Medic shoots, which he takes advantage of as he surges up from the bandolier to its metal collar. Why Mann bolted clothes onto them was beyond him, but he's not complaining now.
After the first kick at Medic, followed by several shots in the knee, the giant was struggling even more. Engie knew better than to underestimate these things, but it was hard to worry when a) know your opponent runs on the computational power of a microwave, b) control a significant part of its body and c) are a lean, mean Texan genius.
He peeks out from behind its shoulder this time.]
Can't rightly guess. But, y'know, it's--augh. [The giant shudders again. Engie grunts and clings on.] ... it's a new era. Who says you gotta wait for him to do it?
[Which Heavy is Engie talking about? Who knows. But if that gives you ideas for either one, go for it.
It also causes a bit of an uproar in the muffling, and out of the corner of his eye Engie can see Sniper's scope poking through. Thanks for not helping, fellas.
Speaking of understimating, though - Engineer feels the robot rumble underneath him for the third time. With a garbled cry, it sends itself backwards - this time slamming its back against the wall. Thankfully, it doesn't hit the wall nearly as hard as it attempts now that its knee was fucked - but it nearly jostles the merc off its neck regardless. On top of it, Engie just narrowly avoids being crushed against the wall.]
Whoa-hoh!
no subject
Ach, but it will be worth the wait when he does.
[He levels the shotgun once more, aiming for the Heavy's other knee.]
Though I suppose I could drop a few more hints...
[He punctuates this statement with a pull of the trigger, but instead of a deafening boom as he expected, all Medic hears is a tinny click.]
...Oh, fick Mi.
[Of course he's out of shells, of course he - OH FUCK THE ROBOT'S GOING TO BRING THE WHOLE BUILDING DOWN, CHRIST ON A BIKE.]
[Medic raises an arm to shield himself from the debris that falls from the ceiling as the Heavy rams itself into the wall, and for a brief moment Medic fears Engie has been crushed - then he hears the man holler as he tries to keep his balance, and he lets out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.]
[Confident that Engie is still alive (for the moment), Medic hauls ass over to his workbench and begins throwing open drawers, searching fervently for loose ammo or even a secondary weapon.]
[He doesn't find the former, but he does find a very unconventional version of the latter.]
[--Not that anyone besides Medic would ever think to weaponize such a thing in the first place. After all, Medic is nothing if not a crazy motherfucker with a gift for thinking on his feet and finding insane ways to utilize absolutely anything he's given.]
[Medic drops the shot gun, trades it for his new weapon of choice, and sprints back into the fray before the Heavy can try to smash Engie into the wall a second time.]
[Once he's close enough to be confident he won't miss, Medic reels his arm back and throws his improvised weapon as hard as he can at the Heavy's battered knee.]
[The coffee pot shatters on impact, dousing the sparking wires and exposed circuitry in day-old brew. The effect is immediate: Electricity dances across the Heavy's leg, frying the fragile mechanics underneath its protective plating to a crisp.]
[The Heavy sways, its blackened leg now incapable of supporting its full weight. Its now-destroyed joint at long last gives way beneath it and it drops down onto its good knee, no longer able to stand.]
[Medic lets out a triumphant laugh, but before he can properly celebrate the Heavy turns its massive head and fixes him it its hard, glowing stare.]
[Run. Run.I'M COMING FOR YOU.]
[That's all the warning either of them receive before the Heavy pitches forward, allowing itself to drop the rest of the way onto the ground in an effort to crush one little man and buck off the other.]
BIG REWORK BECAUSE I FORGOT MY OWN RULES
If they are, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
He would have had a quip for the coffee pot too (seriously, that's some quick thinking), but suddenly - he's lurched upward. The merc shouts as the robot's momentum bounces him several feet into the air. The sudden loss of "ground" has him kicking, but he manages to think fast enough to shoot one hand out and downward.
The Heavy responds, one arm catching its own body just barely before it could land on Medic. Engie lands on its back and out of sight. Followed by the boom of crushed concrete where the Heavy's hand lands, there's a sickening crack, and Engineer yelps. It's probably not hard for someone like Medic to recognize the sound of bones breaking, should be feel like listening that hard.
The giant struggles to force its weight down. This time, it'strying to fall. From behind it, though, there's the beginning of a groaned effort, turning to a heave, turning to a scream. Both arms shakily push upward until its body sits upright.
Immediately, it punches itself in the face.
The blow pitches it to the side, and Engineer finally reappears - panting, sweating, and clinging to the back of the bot's neck. Medic can probably recognize an open fracture just as well as he hears one happening - because there's definitely bone sticking out his forearm. Somewhere, Scout wretches.
His "good" (re: Gunslinger) hand was dug into the side of the bot's head. There's a reason why you don't want to get in a fistfight with Dell Conagher. There's also a reason why he doesn't regularly put his hand through thick metal. The pressure gauge on the Gunslinger skyrocketed, fingers sparking and seizing through the holes from the sudden application of 124% strength as Engie clung for dear life.
He cusses through gritted teeth brings his other hand up. Yep, the one with bone stick out. He does his damnedest to ignore equal parts shooting and stabbing pain, and he lifts himself to straddle the Heavy's neck. The panel he was looking for was just at the base of its skull, and he had to work fast.]
If I break both arms doin' this... [Hang on. He's a little breathless.] ... y'mind saving the obvious jokes for later?
[He means the masturbation cracks. Y'all would do it.]
no subject
[Despite breaking into a sprint the moment the giant began to fall, Medic is certain he would have been ground into a fine paste if Engie hadn't thrown his arm out when he did. There are close calls, and then there's feeling a gust of wind bearing down on you moments before you're shoulder-checked by a giant robot's massive chin.]
[For a short, dizzying moment Medic wonders if he's been displaced in time because the explosion of pain in his scapula and the sickening crack that follows leads him to believe an Enemy scout just broke his bat over his shoulder, but no. Looking up, Medic sees the cracking noise is actually coming from Engie, who must seriously be regretting not having two robotic arms right now.]
[Medic winces, both for Engie's arm and his own infraspinatus muscle, and leaps back into action. There will be time to lick their wounds later - right now, with the threat of the robot horribly murdering them still very much a possibility - they don't have the luxury of taking a time out.]
[Still, Medic's just gonna go ahead and not raise his left arm above his rib-cage because ow. As much as he likes to joke that his sadomasochistic tendencies give him an advantage in the field, there is a hard line between the good pain/bad pain divide and having his scapula powdered definitely crosses it.]
[He's crazy, yeah, but he's not that crazy.]
[Speaking of crazy, what even the fuck is Engie doing.]
Was zum Teufel, Engie!
[Boy you got him so mad he can't even remember how to English. Get off that giant robot right now Mr or you are grounded.]
That is an open fracture! Are you trying to my job difficult?
no subject
Well, first thought that came to mind was savin' your damn life.
[Luckily, the Gunslinger stops seizing, and he manages to release his own grip and pull it out. He's trying to loosen the panel about as fast as one with a broken arm and a robot hand can do.]
You're welcome, by the way.
[It pops and clatters to the floor by the time Heavy starts stirring again. Through the blood pounding in his head, Engineer just barely hears the excitement coming through the door. Mostly, from Pyro and Demoman shouting things he can barely hear.
The Heavy then shakes its head back and forth, hoping to buck him off. It's not his first time on a mechanical bull, but at the same time? Hell. So much for precision. Engie forgoes his pliers and reaches for the wrench. With both hands, he lifts it in the air like goddamn Exalibur before plunging it into the back of Heavy's skull with a cry. It jams itself in, cutting through wire, snapping circuitry, and sending sparks flying.
The Heavy screams long and loud, hiccuping in uncontrollable stutters and jerks. Its last working leg twitches, and with the last of its momentum it pitches to the side. Hard. Engineer finally loses his grip and goes flying.
He shoots through the air fast enough that his scream goes doppler effect before he crashes into his workbench, flipping its backside over and sending it with him.
"OH, TH - TH - TH - THIS IS - SAD D-D-D-DAY."
Don't worry, it's dying. If Engineer wasn't buried in metal and old coal, he'd say so. But Medic might want to watch out for any last-minute attempts to kill him before it shuts down.]
no subject
[Of course, Medic would appreciate the spectacle more if Engie didn't get launched across the room as it was happening. And by that I mean he doesn't even look to make sure the damn robot is actually before he high-tails it over to the workbench like the devil was at his heels - which for Medic is actually a genuine concern.]
Dummkopf.
[He wastes no time brushing away the coal and scrap metal, tossing the debris aside with little thought to where it lands. He could really care less about minimizing the mess that will have to be cleaned up later - right now he has bigger priorities.]
[Namely, making sure Engie didn't just lose the rest of his remaining arm in that fall.]
...Next time, leave the life-saving to the professionals, ja?
[Shut up he's not worried you're worried.]
I won't thank you for my life, but I will thank you to never do that again.
no subject
It takes him a second to fully come to. Partly because he's imagining what the world would be like with three Medics, and partly because he has a concussion. He coughs. Oh, that tastes like blood. So... concussion and whatever's making him couch up blood, apparently. Cool.
His arm is still pretty gross, but no worse than it was when he broken it. His head rolls to the side and he squints at Medic. Finally, a slow, lazy smile crosses his face, and he wheezes out a laugh. There's a slightly uneven, unhinged cadence to it. Hoo-HOO-hoo-hooooooooOooOoooO followed by another burst of coughs.]
Deal.
[He's just gonna. Lay here, if you don't mind. He lulls his head towards the dying robot, as well as a giant wrench sticking out of it. It's vaguely reminescent of a sword and a dragon. Or maybe that's the concussion talking.]
Boy howdy. Guess this makes me a dragon slayer.
no subject
[He turns slightly, shouting over his shoulder.]
That was a hint, Dummköpfe!
[From behind the door, a flurry of movement can be heard. Evidently, the rest of the team does not need to be told twice. Good. If Medic had to repeat himself, who knows how many other grievous injuries he'd need to treat today.]
--Where where we. Oh, Ja, the Schwanz-waving.
[He's not gonna bother trying to treat Engie's injuries. None of them are so dangerous that he might die before those idiots come back with his Medigun, so there's no point. Instead, he's gonna focus on making Engie a little less uncomfortable until the damn thing gets here.]
[Mostly, that means dragging his sorry hide off that pile of coal and giving him a shoulder to lean on - or slump against, depending on how much of his own weight Engie's still capable of supporting.]
...If I admit it was an impressive display, would you do me the favor of not attempting an encore?
no subject
He gets to hm-hm roads, take me home, to the place, hm hm-hm, West Virginia when he realizes Medic's asking a question. He clears his throat again (ow) and looks up.]
Scwanz-waving. Right.
[Wait, that wasn't the question. Hang on. He's still thinking about John Denver.]
... sure. 'til next time we gotta fight off a giant robot, probably.
[Then it hits him. Figuratively, this time. He looks back to the robot again as the light in its eyes finally, finally starts to fade. Good night, sweet prince.]
So much for a robot army.
no subject
His tone is saturated with a near-lethal amount of sarcasm, but he honestly sounds more amused than angry. To him, there's no difference between dealing with a teammate in shock and dealing with a particularly dim puppy that keeps tripping over its own ears. Sure, it's inconvenient for them, but it gives him something to be entertained by while he puts up with their dumb asses.
"Worry not, Herr Offene Fraktur. There are more where that came from. I'm certain you'll have your bodily integrity jeopardized by another mechanical monster in no time at all."
we can end this here if you're good for it :]b
[Engie's not sure why he decided to repeat that. He'll agree, though. His brain probably ricocheted around his skull more than a couple times. Anyway.
The merc watches the robot for a long moment. Finally, he groans and rubs at his face. With the Gunslinger, of course. He's pretty sure he can't move his other hand. Also, the pain is kicking in, so there's that.]
Yeah, well... I'll figure out somethin'. Broken bones or robots - whichever one comes first. F'not, I'll just make me another robot arm.
[That's a joke.
Probably.]