Engineer | Dell Conagher (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spah) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
rackofbadcds2018-03-22 10:41 am
spah) wrote in rackofbadcds2018-03-22 10:41 am
Entry tags:
UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE
A robot army is invading Mann Co., a multinational company known for weapons, munitions, and hats. If you didn't know, they own 306 plants, office buildings, warehouses, and outlet malls in New Mexico alone. You may or may not work for them. One way or another, Saxton Hale, CEO and incredibly shirtless Australian man, has hired (or re-hired) you to defend his facilities worldwide from the robot invasion.
The robots were made by Gray Mann, owner of Gray Gravel Co. (headquartered on an island, made of spiky rock formations and gravel) and set on taking Mann Co. from Hale via, you know, robots. He them made himself, and vaguely resemble nine mercenaries infamous in New Mexico.
For your information and viewing, Hale has sent a tape explaining the situation. Simultaneously, he's wrestling a yeti. Between punching, blood, and some on-and-off asides from the cameraman, the jist of the speech goes like this:
"LISTEN UP, MERCS!
THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!
I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.
"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.
Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!
NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!
I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"
For reasons the woman who gave you the tape can't comprehend or explain, the robots run on piles of money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours. Get to Mann Co. immediately.THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!
I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.
"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.
Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!
NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!
I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"
✘ Mann vs. Machine is a co-op mode from the video game Team Fortress 2. In MvM, you and others fight off waves of killer robots set on delivering an enormous bomb to your base. Familiarity with TF2 isn't necessary! Though MvM has game-specific facets, feel free to treat this is a good 'ol-fashioned robot army fighting meme. You know. Those ones.
HOW TO PLAY:
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!
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Ja, so I've noticed.
[It's almost sad, really, how stupid the machines can be despite they themselves being the product of genius.]
On a scale of you to Soldier, they tend to fall somewhere along the line of Scout.
[Oooh paging doctor Ludwig to the Burn ward.]
NVM MANAGED TO CRANK ONE OUT ON MY PHONE
If it makes you feel any better, the Medics got about the same deal.
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[Medic stands back to his full height, back straight, shoulders squared. Even in casual conversation, he always tries to maintain perfect posture - it's a generational thing. And a German thing. And a I'm-a-doctor-do-you-have-any-idea-what-slouching-does-to-your-spine thing.]
You should have told me you salvaged one before. I would have liked to see what makes them tic.
[Ie: he'd get a kick out of seeing a mechanical mockery of himself be cracked open like an egg.]
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Eh. They ain't that exciting. [He starts pulling out screws attached to Mecha Engie's jaw.] They're programmed to follow, heal, and not much else. Not a whole lotta self preservation. I mean, you've seen 'em.
[At this point, both bots take turns insulting him with pre-recorded threats. Dell pulls Engie's jaw open anyway.]
Dunno what that says about you in Mann's eyes.
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[Sure, Medic feels a little insulted, but he's used to being underestimated -something which works in his favor more often than not. He can't count the number of times a rival mercenary assumed he would go down without a fight simply because he carried a gun that healed rather than hurt.]
[Medic always found it all-too-satisfying to prove to them how horribly wrong they were.]
I would love to show him, if given the chance.
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[Said as mildly as ever. With the Mecha Engineer's jaws open now, Dell reaches in and yanks out its voicebox just as casually.
"I DON'T YA DON'T TOUCH THAT DARN THING."
If hearing his own voice beg him to stop the only way it knows how bothers Engineer, he doesn't show it. Using the same screwdriver, Engie pops the box open and yanks at the wires inside.]
Who knows. Maybe their fourth brother will come out and stab him too. [Snort.] You'd have to beat 'em to it.
["YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL A TEXAN, BUT YA CAN'T TELL 'EM MUCH." The sound is clearly coming out of the voice box now. Dell laughs.]
See, I like these guys.
["BOY, THIS HERE'S JUST GONNA KEEP HAPPENING AND HAP - HAP - HAP - HAP--"
Dell swears as one of the wires inside sparks and frays. The bot stutters for a few seconds more until it finally falls silent.]
Shucks. I was tryin' to keep it intact. Oh well. S'quiet now. [He sighs and puts both the box and head aside. Then, running a hand over his braces again, he turns and gestures to the giant Heavy.] Gonna need a ladder to do the same for him. But I think I'm gonna try and get his feet movin' next.
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Alas, poor Engie-bot.
[Medic somehow manages to resist the urge to pick up the head the moment Engie puts it down and recite the rest of that line, but only just barely.]
You may be able to do away with the ladder entirely if you can just get it to lie down.
[He looks back to the Heavy, wondering if its joints even have enough articulation for such a complex movement to be possible. Knocking it down themselves wouldn't be too difficult, but getting it back up again - now that's where things would get tricky.]
...But for that we may need a longer warehouse.
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Am I Horatio, here?
[Anyway. He nods up to the bot.]
That's kinda what Mikhail did when he got it through the door. [Engineer shrugs as he looks it over.] All honesty, I'm thinkin' about just taking it apart and putting it back together. Easier transport. Kinda like the sentries.
[He watches it for a moment. Then, after a pause:]
You ever see the big ones up close like this before?
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[He gives Engie a sideways glance, his expression saying everything that the man needs to know about his experience with the king-sized mechs.]
Never quite so long as this.
[Which is a good thing, because he'd have been reduced to a fine red paste by now if he were dealing with a bot like this out in the field.]
That said, if I suddenly develop radiation sickness, I'll know who to blame.
[Shut up Medic you make turduckens out of hearts and blast them with radiation for kicks you're not allowed to complain about radiation exposure.]
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Yeah.
[That's a vague way of saying he could relate. As defense, he was normally positioned at a distance with his guns, like usual. But there's been the occasional moment where he was way too close for comfort.
He claps the braces together again. Now he's just having fun with it.]
Doc, if these things had radiation in 'em, y'all'd've been dead months ago.
[y'all'd've]
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Ehehe. You vastly underestimate how much radiation exposure I can handle.
[If it sounds like he knows this because he's tested it, it's because he has.]
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Yeah. Miss Pauling told me about the heart turduckens.
[Said plainly, like he's not even surprised you'd do that.
The braces turn on again, and he holds his hand out to move each individual finger. Naturally, the Heavy does the same. Naturally, like this was the easiest thing in the world for anyone who doesn't have 11 PhDs.]
If anything he'd be good help around here. Big fella.
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[He gestures to the giant's hands, which are massive enough to engulf a grown man's entire torso and snap it in half like a Popsicle stick.]
Though with that level of articulation, I wonder if it could be utilized in other, more constructive ways.
['what other ways' he doesn't wait for Dell to ask.]
Say, for example, in capturing more robots for you to reverse-engineer.
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[He has the Heavy mimick a thumbs up.
"STUPID, STUPID!"
As for Medic's idea... Engineer slowly turns to the other merc as an equally-slow grin spreads across his back. He laughs, and slaps Medic on the back.]
Doc, you're a goddamn genius.
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Aheh. I'm merely considering the possibilities.
[He tilts his head back, looking up at the Heavy-bot with a rakish grin.]
How would you like to hunt your friends, doppelgänger? Does that sound fun?
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"I THINK YOU SHOULD FIGHT SOMEONE MUCH, MUCH SMALLER."]
Aw. Doc, I think he likes y--
[Remember the part where this an old coal town full of old shit? Because the rusted chain that the bot was skewered through isn't an exception, and something above them abruptly snaps. The base comes down first - then the chain - then the Heavy.
Which lands on its feet. More dust and debris pick up, but through it Engineer notices that its knees are... straightening out.
Oh.]
... Aw hell he's movin' his legs.
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Oh, Scheiße.
[Medic takes an immediate step backwards, his hand instinctively flying out to push Engineer behind him. It's more of a force of habit than anything else - Medic wouldn't go so far as to say he's acting out of concern or anything noble like that. He's just doing his job - except, uh. He doesn't have his medigun so the only shield he has to place between Engineer and the robot is himself, but whatever, that doesn't mean anything, shut up.]
Engineer, not is not the time to beat yourself up. Metaphorically. Literally, that may be our best option.
[If the Heavy will mimic all of Engineer's arm movements, then it stands to reason that he could theoretically knock himself out if Engie does the same. It's not the best plan, admittedly, but it's something.]
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Engineer would pay it more attention (and possibly tease him about it later) if it wasn't for the giant killer robot standing straight and making its first steps toward them. He steps back with Medic, and his hand reaches for the wrench on the table. Like it's going to do any good, but it's the idea that counts
It's hard to tell how much motor function it still retained, much less how the hell it retained it in the first place when he was sure he shut down its self-ambulatory functions. Its steps get a little faster, and the Heavy lunges about as much of its body as it can control towards them.
The merc thinks fast and throws his arms out. The Heavy "catches" himself similarly and brings its arms against the wall, right in front of them. It looks down at the both of them. Another good amount of dust and debris falls around them.]
Dammit, you just had to go and make me do this. [That "dammit" was more for himself, because he's looking at his own balled-up fist now.] Well, fella. This better hurt you more than it hurts me.
[Medic's right. Why was he always right? God dammit dang dang nabbit fuck it he punches himself in the face.
It only works if he puts as much force into it as a real punch, which is why he clocks himself hard in the jaw. As always, the Heavy does the same, and the forward momentum knocks itself sideways. Engie groans and grips the wrench.]
Doc, I'm gonna need you to play bait.
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[Thankfully, Dell seems to have about as much restraint as he does brute strength. The punch doesn't knock his lights out, but it's definitely going to leave a nasty bruise - nothing the medigun can't fix, but still. Ouch.]
[Medic moves to catch Engie's shoulder in an attempt to steady him, just in case the poor bastard is seeing stars, but he stops short when he hears the complete nonsense coming out of his mouth.]
...Hä?
[God help them both, Dell must have hit himself harder than he thought because now he's just talking crazy.]
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The others were on the opposite side of the door, trying to get in. Engineer could hear them shouting and arguing over the door code. The Heavy, now unstrained, straightens itself out and looks to the door. With a booming, electronic rumble from its robo-throat, it lifts a leg and kicks an old mining cart towards the door. It goes flying, and wedges itself into the door frame with a deafening crash, blocking the others off even if they got the door open.
It then turns towards Medic and Engie.
Hell.]
Hell.
[Engie reaches under his work bench and produces his old shotgun. He shoves it at Medic's chest.]
Just distract it!
[With or not Medic takes the gun is up to him, because Engineer takes off. The Heavy tries to get a stomp in, but Engie manages to dash between its legs. He's fast when he wants to be, okay.]
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Oh, Ja, ask the medic to play soldier with a literal death machine. That will go fantastisch.
[He cocks the shotgun, now more irritated with the situation than alarmed by it. Still, for all his grumbling, he still dashes forward and takes aim. The shotgun's limited range means he has to bring himself uncomfortably close to the robot in order to guarantee a solid hit.]
[Not that he can complain too much. After all, he's used to working with even shorter distances with the Medigun, to say nothing of his trusty bonesaw. Alas, he has neither on hand at the moment - not that either would be particularly useful in distracting the Heavy.]
[Speaking of -]
Oh Schätzchen~
[He hopes the Heavy likes having a knee full of buckshot, because that's what he's getting.]
btw you can write the robot doing whatever you wanna too!
He's pretty sure they're just watching now.]
Trust me, doc. You don't wanna do what I'm doin'!
[Whatever. He takes the chance and jumps onto the back of the bot's busted knee. He starts climbing it like a tree, with practiced ease that came from ten years of roughnecking in west Texas oilfields. Most of the things he climbed back then weren't moving, but hey. Improvising came with his job.
He takes the time to peer over and get a look at Medic.]
Schätzchen, huh?
[Look at this motherfucker who says he doesn't know German. He grins, gives a two-fingered salute, then disappears behind the bot.]
Aha ha I will find a way to abuse this power eventually
Verpiss dich, Engie.
[He says it fondly, as only a man as chipper and unflappable as Medic can while actively dodging a kick from a pissed off robot that only has motor control over its legs.]
[Unfortunately for the Heavy, Medic is a quick little bunny and getting the hell out of the way is his forte. It isn't hard to dodge out of the way of that massive metal boot, not just because it moves so slowly but because the bot's aim leaves much to be desired. In fairness to the Heavy, it's a bit hard to see where you're kicking when your arms are being moved up and down in front of your face as the man controlling them climbs up your back like a damn squirrel.]
[Taking aim, Medic decides to buy Engie a little more time to do whatever it is he's doing by putting another dent in the Heavy's knee. The ensuing bang is deafening, and Medic suspects it hurts his ears more than it does the Heavy's joint, but it can't be helped. All he can do is keep firing and dodging kicks until he finally gets this bastard down on one knee.]
--How much longer before before he proposes, do you think?
[Medic grins, because he thinks he's just hilarious, and fires another shot at the bot's knee.]
[Behind the doors, some muffled shit-giving can be heard as the rest of the team cracks a few jokes at Mikhail's expense.]
i can't wait
[But he's gets the gist of it - the one-fingered salute helped.
The plan's going good so far. Engineer was on its upper back now, clinging to its bandolier and shimmying upward. Every so often he's bounced forward as Medic shoots, which he takes advantage of as he surges up from the bandolier to its metal collar. Why Mann bolted clothes onto them was beyond him, but he's not complaining now.
After the first kick at Medic, followed by several shots in the knee, the giant was struggling even more. Engie knew better than to underestimate these things, but it was hard to worry when a) know your opponent runs on the computational power of a microwave, b) control a significant part of its body and c) are a lean, mean Texan genius.
He peeks out from behind its shoulder this time.]
Can't rightly guess. But, y'know, it's--augh. [The giant shudders again. Engie grunts and clings on.] ... it's a new era. Who says you gotta wait for him to do it?
[Which Heavy is Engie talking about? Who knows. But if that gives you ideas for either one, go for it.
It also causes a bit of an uproar in the muffling, and out of the corner of his eye Engie can see Sniper's scope poking through. Thanks for not helping, fellas.
Speaking of understimating, though - Engineer feels the robot rumble underneath him for the third time. With a garbled cry, it sends itself backwards - this time slamming its back against the wall. Thankfully, it doesn't hit the wall nearly as hard as it attempts now that its knee was fucked - but it nearly jostles the merc off its neck regardless. On top of it, Engie just narrowly avoids being crushed against the wall.]
Whoa-hoh!
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Ach, but it will be worth the wait when he does.
[He levels the shotgun once more, aiming for the Heavy's other knee.]
Though I suppose I could drop a few more hints...
[He punctuates this statement with a pull of the trigger, but instead of a deafening boom as he expected, all Medic hears is a tinny click.]
...Oh, fick Mi.
[Of course he's out of shells, of course he - OH FUCK THE ROBOT'S GOING TO BRING THE WHOLE BUILDING DOWN, CHRIST ON A BIKE.]
[Medic raises an arm to shield himself from the debris that falls from the ceiling as the Heavy rams itself into the wall, and for a brief moment Medic fears Engie has been crushed - then he hears the man holler as he tries to keep his balance, and he lets out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.]
[Confident that Engie is still alive (for the moment), Medic hauls ass over to his workbench and begins throwing open drawers, searching fervently for loose ammo or even a secondary weapon.]
[He doesn't find the former, but he does find a very unconventional version of the latter.]
[--Not that anyone besides Medic would ever think to weaponize such a thing in the first place. After all, Medic is nothing if not a crazy motherfucker with a gift for thinking on his feet and finding insane ways to utilize absolutely anything he's given.]
[Medic drops the shot gun, trades it for his new weapon of choice, and sprints back into the fray before the Heavy can try to smash Engie into the wall a second time.]
[Once he's close enough to be confident he won't miss, Medic reels his arm back and throws his improvised weapon as hard as he can at the Heavy's battered knee.]
[The coffee pot shatters on impact, dousing the sparking wires and exposed circuitry in day-old brew. The effect is immediate: Electricity dances across the Heavy's leg, frying the fragile mechanics underneath its protective plating to a crisp.]
[The Heavy sways, its blackened leg now incapable of supporting its full weight. Its now-destroyed joint at long last gives way beneath it and it drops down onto its good knee, no longer able to stand.]
[Medic lets out a triumphant laugh, but before he can properly celebrate the Heavy turns its massive head and fixes him it its hard, glowing stare.]
[Run. Run.I'M COMING FOR YOU.]
[That's all the warning either of them receive before the Heavy pitches forward, allowing itself to drop the rest of the way onto the ground in an effort to crush one little man and buck off the other.]
BIG REWORK BECAUSE I FORGOT MY OWN RULES
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we can end this here if you're good for it :]b