UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE

[spah]

MANN VS. MACHINE

A robot army is invading Mann Co., a multinational company known for weapons, munitions, and hats. If you didn't know, they own 306 plants, office buildings, warehouses, and outlet malls in New Mexico alone. You may or may not work for them. One way or another, Saxton Hale, CEO and incredibly shirtless Australian man, has hired (or re-hired) you to defend his facilities worldwide from the robot invasion.

The robots were made by Gray Mann, owner of Gray Gravel Co. (headquartered on an island, made of spiky rock formations and gravel) and set on taking Mann Co. from Hale via, you know, robots. He them made himself, and vaguely resemble nine mercenaries infamous in New Mexico.

For your information and viewing, Hale has sent a tape explaining the situation. Simultaneously, he's wrestling a yeti. Between punching, blood, and some on-and-off asides from the cameraman, the jist of the speech goes like this:

"LISTEN UP, MERCS!

THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!

I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.

"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.

Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!

NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!

I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"

For reasons the woman who gave you the tape can't comprehend or explain, the robots run on piles of money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours. Get to Mann Co. immediately.

✘ Mann vs. Machine is a co-op mode from the video game Team Fortress 2. In MvM, you and others fight off waves of killer robots set on delivering an enormous bomb to your base. Familiarity with TF2 isn't necessary! Though MvM has game-specific facets, feel free to treat this is a good 'ol-fashioned robot army fighting meme. You know. Those ones.

HOW TO PLAY:
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!

Comments

[spah]

[It wasn't even a million! You just have to be a genius to get them that fast, it's not hard!!

Engie nods and peers over his makeshift cover. The bot crosses his way, and he swallows as he eyes the enormous rocket launcher in its hands. Christ. Now he was having second thoughts.

The merc was nowhere near as fast or quiet as Spy, but he's studied these robots enough. He knows their weak points. Now, it was just a matter of getting behind it and on it's back without notice.

Easy. Right.

After the second burst of gunfire, Engineer presses his back flush to the remains of the wall. He grips the knife to his chest. He takes a deep breath, counts to three, and... go.

He's running. Probably a bad idea. Definitely a bad idea. Proven to be a bad idea when he trips over a piece of rebar leftover from the explosion and yelps as he goes down. The bot turns in his direction. Engineer claps a hand over his mouth too late.

GOOD JOB A+ STEALTH]

[crabbmarche]

[Looks like you should've gotten one of those PhDs in Sneaking skill, huh?

Spy facepalms. He'd actually been a little impressed with how Engineer was doing up until he fell on his face. But at least he didn't land on the knife.

He forces himself to try and stand and grimaces at the burning pain in his leg. That's not happening. So he grits his teeth, grabs the Wrangler, and yells,]

Stay down!

[And opens fire.]

[spah]

[Hard science doesn't teach you how to sneak, so. That's fair.

Engineer "dagnabbit"s under his breath and holds his hardhat down. He hears the volley of bullets overheard. The bot was about to aim for the man in front of him, but now it can't seem to decide which target to go for.

No sense wasting time. Engie gets on his knees and scrambles to the Soldier's back, away from the gunfire coming from the sentry's direction. He grits his teeth, stands, and guns it for the back of the gigantic bot's knee.

"AMERICA WINS AGAIN!"

God, that's weird coming out of a tinny screaming robot voice, as opposed to a regular screaming human voice. Engineer gets a hold on its leg. It's about as tall as he is, so it takes some shimmying to get up the joint. Easier said than done now that it's moving around, but he expected they'd get its attention by now anyway. Once he's up, he jams the knife in the back of its knee and slices through wire.

The robot yells something garbled. Engie lets go, and it goes down on one knee with a thud.

Part one's done. Now that it's just a little lower, he scrambles on its back.

Again, easier said than done.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy nods to himself in approval. Nice recovery. He halts the turret-fire once Engineer gets back up. There isn't much he can do at this point now that Engineer's kneecapped it, so he sets the Wrangler down (keeping it in his grip so he can pick it back up if he needs to).

Don't think. Just stab.]

[spah]

[Engie knew the rest was up to him. It would have been up to Spy if they weren't both out and arm and a leg. He feels his own arm burning as he hoists himself up a gap in the Soldier's back. He probably only had one shot at this.

Better make it count.

He grits his teeth as the robot tries and fails to stand on the broken joint, stumbling with a thud hard enough to jostle Engineer. He just barely manages to hang on its neck. It shuddering violently after, making it hard to bring the knife up. He knew there was a vital bundle of wires behind its metal collar, connecting it's robot brain to the rest of its important robot parts. If he could just see it, he could...

There. By some miracle, he manages to stab into it on the first try. Bam. Mission complete.

Problem was, the Soldier used the last bit of functionality it had left to finally grab the man on its back, lift him, and throw him against the wall before it finally, finally sputtered and died.

Still, though? Ow.]

[crabbmarche]

[Well, that could've gone a lot worse. There's no time to celebrate, though, because that looked nasty. As soon as the Soldier goes down, Spy forces himself to stand, Wrangler still in hand, and limp-runs to check on Engineer with a visible amount of effort.]

Are you alright?

[spah]

[Oh, Engie can celebrate. At least, he wants to, but the air's been slammed out of his lungs and it takes a good few seconds before he can gasp out more. The gasp turns into a groan, and he rolls on his back. That hurts. Breathing hurts. His thoughts were still foggy, but he's pretty sure he... bounced? Yep. Bounced. From brick to ground. Welp.]

I think my spine's broke.

[He lifts his upper body up halfway. He hisses.]

Nope. Nopenopejustmyribsnope.

[crabbmarche]

[Spy kneels down with a harsh grimace, putting a hand on Engineer's shoulder before moving to offer to help him up.]

Well, we can either sit here staring longingly at help, or endure a minute more and actually get there. Do you think you can manage?

[spah]

[Engineer tries to sigh - until the stabbing pain in his chest hitches his breath, and he grimaces back. It was one thing when it was just his arm, but this wasn't doing him any favors.]

Can I say no?

[Not really. He groans and uses Spy's leverage to bring himself up anyway. It's still not fun, but they'll be fine when they get inside.

He makes himself to breath slow and shallow as he looks over the gigantic robot collapses in front of them.]

See? Who said I don't have good ideas? Heheheh. Heh--[COUGH. Oh, that's blood. Okay. Yeah. Let's go.]

[crabbmarche]

I could leave you here.

[He won't. Instead, he ushers Engineer towards the dispenser. The last thing he needs is to explain to Medic why Engineer died ten feet away from safety.

Then he says, without a hint of irony:]

You did well.

[spah]

You could.

[That's a joke, don't actually leave him.

The merc groans again, mostly to himself, and holds his chest as he follow Spy. In return, he tries to at least offer the other merc his arm for support. They're that close to it, they can deal with the indignity for another minute.]

Heh... thanks. You weren't bad yourself. [He brings his hand away from his chest long enough to hand the knife back.] We oughta switch things up more often.

[That's also a joke. Don't touch his shit.]

[crabbmarche]

Aside from blowing up that wall.

[Spy takes the knife back, flipping it closed with a practiced and mildly show-off-y ease. Sometimes the flip tricks just come naturally, y'know? But once it's tucked away in his pocket, he uses Engineer's arm both as support and to support; hitting a wall that hard cannot have been good.

He's not going to rush it because the last thing they need is to exasperate themselves, but if he has to sit here with a bullet in his leg for another minute he's going to stab something.]

could probably start ending about here if you want?

[spah]

And stumbling on my ass.

[Engineer doesn't hide his eyes rolling as Spy flips the knife closed. They eventually stumble both their asses up the concrete ramp, past his sentry and the bomb port (why did that even exist), and finally up to the dispenser again the wall.]

Shoot, son. [He wheezes the word out.] Remind me to actually listen to Scout next time and move that dang thing.

[As he talks, he notices he starts talking better and better. He looks down at his arm. Despite the bloodstains on his jacket, the wound is gone. He takes a breath and pats his chest.]

Alright, go on.

sounds good!

[crabbmarche]

[That is leagues better. He rests against the wall and sighs, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up. He laughs at the comment.]

It would've saved us a lot of trouble.

[Once his leg is healed up, he checks the battery on his watch and nods at Engineer.]

You have my appreciation, amigo.

[He winks, and he's gone.]

[spah]

In my defense, that boy's mouth runs from ninety to nothin'. I learned how to tune him out years ago.

[The mercenary picks up a wrench leaning off the dispenser. By the time he turns around and opens his mouth again, Spy is already gone.

... Of course. Engineer shakes his head and grins lopsidedly at nothing in particular. Alright. Back to work.]