UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE

[spah]

MANN VS. MACHINE

A robot army is invading Mann Co., a multinational company known for weapons, munitions, and hats. If you didn't know, they own 306 plants, office buildings, warehouses, and outlet malls in New Mexico alone. You may or may not work for them. One way or another, Saxton Hale, CEO and incredibly shirtless Australian man, has hired (or re-hired) you to defend his facilities worldwide from the robot invasion.

The robots were made by Gray Mann, owner of Gray Gravel Co. (headquartered on an island, made of spiky rock formations and gravel) and set on taking Mann Co. from Hale via, you know, robots. He them made himself, and vaguely resemble nine mercenaries infamous in New Mexico.

For your information and viewing, Hale has sent a tape explaining the situation. Simultaneously, he's wrestling a yeti. Between punching, blood, and some on-and-off asides from the cameraman, the jist of the speech goes like this:

"LISTEN UP, MERCS!

THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!

I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.

"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.

Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!

NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!

I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"

For reasons the woman who gave you the tape can't comprehend or explain, the robots run on piles of money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours. Get to Mann Co. immediately.

✘ Mann vs. Machine is a co-op mode from the video game Team Fortress 2. In MvM, you and others fight off waves of killer robots set on delivering an enormous bomb to your base. Familiarity with TF2 isn't necessary! Though MvM has game-specific facets, feel free to treat this is a good 'ol-fashioned robot army fighting meme. You know. Those ones.

HOW TO PLAY:
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!

Comments

it's good!

[crabbmarche]

[He spoke too soon.

Spy kind of hits the dirt with an undignified grunt, crawling to lean against the wall and reach for his revolver. If he resents being dropped, he's not saying so. Instead, he stays quiet, looking up to Engineer with a furrowed brow to ask 'what now?'.]

[spah]

["What now" is a good question. Engineer mouths a curse to himself and looks down at Spy. Who he dropped. Good job.]

You ain't walking, I'm guessin'.

[He's pretty sure not. He just wants to check before they throw his first idea out the window.

[crabbmarche]

I could crawl or limp. Walking will be more difficult.

[There's already blood on his suit. His pride isn't going to get in the way of survival. If it's any consolation, Engie, he doesn't even look mad about being dropped.]

[spah]

Yeah, probably not gonna work. [Engie reaches into his belt and pulls out his remote-control Wrangler.] I was thinkin' of distracting it while you finish it off.

[See, Engineer has the big guns, but Spy has sappers and a knife that does a ridiculous amount of backstab damage. Again robot backs. Go figure.]

Any alternatives? Unless... hang on.

[Engie freezes. There's that glint - the kind that where light conveniently shines against his goggles when he's got a wild idea. He crouches next to the other merc, and he's already grinning.]

Gimme your stuff.

[This gonna be a wild idea. Here him out: Engineer with knife. Spy with big remote-control gun. Change classes.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy nods. The original plan is simple enough, and he's carefully climbing up the wall to a standing position when Engineer pauses. He sees that glint. He knows that tone of voice.

Still, he's a little baffled, staring at Engineer for a moment.]

What?

[spah]

We're gonna trade.

[No time to be wry about it. He holds out the Wrangler to Spy and points to two buttons underneath the control toggle.]

You seen me use this before. This button sets the sentry to manual control. This button shoots rockets. And the toggle controls where you aim - just push down when you wanna shoot.

[Whether or not Spy actually takes it, Engie sets the Wrangler in his lap anyway - and realizes there's blood on it. He looks down at his palm. It's red - leftover from his wound dripping down his arm. His eyes follow up. and he realizes just how big the bloodstain has bloomed around his arm. Dammit.

He sighs at tears at his sleeve until he has a scrap of cloth to wrap around it.]

I can at least take the knife and get close to 'em.

[crabbmarche]

[Well, this could either work, or they could both die in a rocket blast. Either way, Spy sighs and relents, taking the Wrangler and frowning. Engineer's wound seems to be getting worse, so it's now or never.

He holds out the butterfly knife, then pauses and flips it open, carefully taking the blade and offering the handle to Engineer.]

Alright. I trust you know how to use a knife.

[spah]

[Yeah, no. Engie's brain runs equation a mile a minute. Of course he knows. Worst-case senarios aren't going to help them, though. This thing had to get dead.]

Had one in my back enough times. I know where it goes.

[Granted, robot backs are significantly harder than human backs. But Engie's studied them before. He knows where to stab.

Engie wraps his makeshift bandage around his arm before taking the knife with the same side. Arm won't help much, but they don't have a choice. He slaps Spy's shoulder with his free hand.]

Hey. Between your leg and my arm, we're about one person. Let's do it.

[crabbmarche]

[Spy's been playing with the Wrangler a little, just getting used to the grip and actually laughs at that, quietly but warmly.]

One capable person.

[That's the closest to saying he trusts you on this one that he can get.]

Allez.

[spah]

Damn right.

[Engineer flashes a lopsided smile before he turns away. He moves quickly, quietly out the doorway and across an opening between the two buildings. Then he catches sight of the titan-sized robot coming around the corner again, and he ducks behind a crate pile. Thank god this old factory just had boxes full of quicklime lying around everywhere.

He grips the knife in his hand and waits. They're going to need that distraction about now, and he can see his sentry in the distance. They were both just barely out of the gun's automatous range.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy nods, and as Engineer moves in, he inches closer to the door so he can actually see where he's aiming. He takes a moment to assess; he needs to draw the Soldier just away enough that it doesn't see Engineer but make sure it's in distance for him to move quickly.

He means to just shoot at the Soldier, get it to turn around, but accidentally sends a volley of rockets crashing against the wall a good few feet to the side of it.

...He never said he was good with technology.]

[spah]

[OH HOLY SHIT. Engineer ducks just in case, but then he sees where the rocket volley lands. The bot stops and starts to turn... in Engineer's direction.

God dammit. The merc looks up at Spy and throws both hands up. What the hell, man.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy just kind of flails a shrug and frantically tries to re-aim. Finally, he lines up with the Soldier and fires just a few short bursts of bullets, trying to get it to turn back around.]

[spah]

[There's even a laser pointer attached to it god it's not that hard!! - Man with eleven PhDs

Anyway. The second time around works. The Soldier jerks and stumbles. The short spray isn't enough to knock it down, but it has it's attention. It first turns its head around, then its torso, then starts walking backwards in the direction of whatever shot at him.

Engineer takes a breath before he bolts for the next-closest cover: which conveniently happens to be the pile of bricks and rubble leftover from the rocket shot. Now that he was close enough, he turns to Spy and gives a thumbs-up. Good so far?]

[crabbmarche]

[Sorry not all of us went to college for a million years, god!

But it works out anyway since he's unwittingly created more cover for Engineer. He returns the thumbs-up. The last thing either of them needs is for this thing to decide to use its rocket launcher and destroy the only thing he can really use to distract it, so he waits a good half of a minute before firing another burst]

[spah]

[It wasn't even a million! You just have to be a genius to get them that fast, it's not hard!!

Engie nods and peers over his makeshift cover. The bot crosses his way, and he swallows as he eyes the enormous rocket launcher in its hands. Christ. Now he was having second thoughts.

The merc was nowhere near as fast or quiet as Spy, but he's studied these robots enough. He knows their weak points. Now, it was just a matter of getting behind it and on it's back without notice.

Easy. Right.

After the second burst of gunfire, Engineer presses his back flush to the remains of the wall. He grips the knife to his chest. He takes a deep breath, counts to three, and... go.

He's running. Probably a bad idea. Definitely a bad idea. Proven to be a bad idea when he trips over a piece of rebar leftover from the explosion and yelps as he goes down. The bot turns in his direction. Engineer claps a hand over his mouth too late.

GOOD JOB A+ STEALTH]

[crabbmarche]

[Looks like you should've gotten one of those PhDs in Sneaking skill, huh?

Spy facepalms. He'd actually been a little impressed with how Engineer was doing up until he fell on his face. But at least he didn't land on the knife.

He forces himself to try and stand and grimaces at the burning pain in his leg. That's not happening. So he grits his teeth, grabs the Wrangler, and yells,]

Stay down!

[And opens fire.]

[spah]

[Hard science doesn't teach you how to sneak, so. That's fair.

Engineer "dagnabbit"s under his breath and holds his hardhat down. He hears the volley of bullets overheard. The bot was about to aim for the man in front of him, but now it can't seem to decide which target to go for.

No sense wasting time. Engie gets on his knees and scrambles to the Soldier's back, away from the gunfire coming from the sentry's direction. He grits his teeth, stands, and guns it for the back of the gigantic bot's knee.

"AMERICA WINS AGAIN!"

God, that's weird coming out of a tinny screaming robot voice, as opposed to a regular screaming human voice. Engineer gets a hold on its leg. It's about as tall as he is, so it takes some shimmying to get up the joint. Easier said than done now that it's moving around, but he expected they'd get its attention by now anyway. Once he's up, he jams the knife in the back of its knee and slices through wire.

The robot yells something garbled. Engie lets go, and it goes down on one knee with a thud.

Part one's done. Now that it's just a little lower, he scrambles on its back.

Again, easier said than done.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy nods to himself in approval. Nice recovery. He halts the turret-fire once Engineer gets back up. There isn't much he can do at this point now that Engineer's kneecapped it, so he sets the Wrangler down (keeping it in his grip so he can pick it back up if he needs to).

Don't think. Just stab.]

[spah]

[Engie knew the rest was up to him. It would have been up to Spy if they weren't both out and arm and a leg. He feels his own arm burning as he hoists himself up a gap in the Soldier's back. He probably only had one shot at this.

Better make it count.

He grits his teeth as the robot tries and fails to stand on the broken joint, stumbling with a thud hard enough to jostle Engineer. He just barely manages to hang on its neck. It shuddering violently after, making it hard to bring the knife up. He knew there was a vital bundle of wires behind its metal collar, connecting it's robot brain to the rest of its important robot parts. If he could just see it, he could...

There. By some miracle, he manages to stab into it on the first try. Bam. Mission complete.

Problem was, the Soldier used the last bit of functionality it had left to finally grab the man on its back, lift him, and throw him against the wall before it finally, finally sputtered and died.

Still, though? Ow.]

[crabbmarche]

[Well, that could've gone a lot worse. There's no time to celebrate, though, because that looked nasty. As soon as the Soldier goes down, Spy forces himself to stand, Wrangler still in hand, and limp-runs to check on Engineer with a visible amount of effort.]

Are you alright?

[spah]

[Oh, Engie can celebrate. At least, he wants to, but the air's been slammed out of his lungs and it takes a good few seconds before he can gasp out more. The gasp turns into a groan, and he rolls on his back. That hurts. Breathing hurts. His thoughts were still foggy, but he's pretty sure he... bounced? Yep. Bounced. From brick to ground. Welp.]

I think my spine's broke.

[He lifts his upper body up halfway. He hisses.]

Nope. Nopenopejustmyribsnope.

[crabbmarche]

[Spy kneels down with a harsh grimace, putting a hand on Engineer's shoulder before moving to offer to help him up.]

Well, we can either sit here staring longingly at help, or endure a minute more and actually get there. Do you think you can manage?

[spah]

[Engineer tries to sigh - until the stabbing pain in his chest hitches his breath, and he grimaces back. It was one thing when it was just his arm, but this wasn't doing him any favors.]

Can I say no?

[Not really. He groans and uses Spy's leverage to bring himself up anyway. It's still not fun, but they'll be fine when they get inside.

He makes himself to breath slow and shallow as he looks over the gigantic robot collapses in front of them.]

See? Who said I don't have good ideas? Heheheh. Heh--[COUGH. Oh, that's blood. Okay. Yeah. Let's go.]

[crabbmarche]

I could leave you here.

[He won't. Instead, he ushers Engineer towards the dispenser. The last thing he needs is to explain to Medic why Engineer died ten feet away from safety.

Then he says, without a hint of irony:]

You did well.