rackofbadcds | UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE

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UNITED, WE CAN FIGHT THE METAL MENACE

A robot army is invading Mann Co., a multinational company known for weapons, munitions, and hats. If you didn't know, they own 306 plants, office buildings, warehouses, and outlet malls in New Mexico alone. You may or may not work for them. One way or another, Saxton Hale, CEO and incredibly shirtless Australian man, has hired (or re-hired) you to defend his facilities worldwide from the robot invasion.

The robots were made by Gray Mann, owner of Gray Gravel Co. (headquartered on an island, made of spiky rock formations and gravel) and set on taking Mann Co. from Hale via, you know, robots. He them made himself, and vaguely resemble nine mercenaries infamous in New Mexico.

For your information and viewing, Hale has sent a tape explaining the situation. Simultaneously, he's wrestling a yeti. Between punching, blood, and some on-and-off asides from the cameraman, the jist of the speech goes like this:

"LISTEN UP, MERCS!

THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!

I won't smooch backsides on this either. These things are bigger than you. They're stronger than you. In fact, now that I'm saying it out loud, they're better than you at just about everything.

"MERCS! Your jobs died with the Mann brothers. You hear me? As of now, you are all unemployed! Also, straight plan talk here: Nobody's ever going to hire a non-metal man again with these robots around! I've seen them. They are spectacular.

Now for the good news! You're all re-hired! Grab a pen, here's your new job description: KILL ROBOTS!

NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME CAN!

I'd help, but as you can see, I will be fighting a yeti for nine more hours. MAKE ME PROUD, BOYS!"

For reasons the woman who gave you the tape can't comprehend or explain, the robots run on piles of money. Destroy them, and whatever falls out is yours. Get to Mann Co. immediately.

✘ Mann vs. Machine is a co-op mode from the video game Team Fortress 2. In MvM, you and others fight off waves of killer robots set on delivering an enormous bomb to your base. Familiarity with TF2 isn't necessary! Though MvM has game-specific facets, feel free to treat this is a good 'ol-fashioned robot army fighting meme. You know. Those ones.

HOW TO PLAY:
- Comment with your character and write a threadstarter
- Respond to other threadstarters
- Play and have fun! Three-way (or more) threads are encouraged, so feel free to do anything.
- Seriously, this is meant to be loose and fun. Go nuts!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Spy isn't moving as fast as he normally does, but he's still cutting apart a pretty big swath before he starts getting attention and has to cloak again just as Engineer takes a hit.

When he comes back out, he's a robot again. But he shoots Engineer a thumbs-up after putting another Sapper into the horde. Everything okay?]

[It's easy to tell which one is Spy, at least. He spares a second to check his arm before looking up at flashing a thumbs up back. Yep. There's blood, but he'll live.

Unfortunately, he was going to have to rely on his pistol now. He pulls it out from its holster to shoot at a bot next to Spy. The mini-sentry continues its mini-assault, but Engie knew it wouldn't be able to keep up without help.]

Any more back there?!

[... In retrospect, he's never considered if bots would notice him directly addressing Spy in disguise. Things were usually too fast-paced to matter. He shoots the ones next to Spy anyway.]

[One second, he says by holding up a finger. These robots don't seem to notice if he's acting a little weird as long as it's subtle little things.

He slaps up another Sapper once it recharges and disappears back into the crowd. Eventually, a hand sticks up from the crowd, signaling a five. And then, a three. He does this twice, just a single hand signaling five and three. Eight.

And then he gets in a couple more backstabs before cloaking again, but not before a Scout 'bot manages to catch him in the arm with its bat. It's not bad enough to blow his cover, but it definitely stings like a bitch.

If the bots notice Engie calling out into the group, they don't seem to care too much.]

[Works for him. Engineer would worry more about pretending if this was any other situation. Right now, though, there's at least six robots all chirping in robotic voices about the sentry, a "spy around here" (they haven't figured out where), and something about getting the "hardhat" (him).

It's still a little freaky to know that their voices were pre-recorded just by watching their orignals. For once, Engie was grateful that they were, though, because he's heard the real Scout call out similar things over the years,and he more or less understands them under their tinny voices. One of them calls out to him ("hey, hardhat!") and charges him with a bat.

The mini-sentry gun points, aims and - click. Empty.

Shit.

He aims the pistol. Click.

Shit.]

Ah, hell.

[No time to pick his shotgun off the ground. Even less time to get it, aim it, correct when his arm gives out, and fire. Thinking fast, he pulls his wrench out from his belt. By now, the bot was in swinging distance. The merc sidesteps and swings back. The wrench connects and near-immediately takes off the Scout's head, sending it flying out the alley way.

Definitely a homerun. Engie grins and hollers out a yee-haw (as he is wont to do). With a newfound confidence and a lack of any other choice, he charges the rest of the crowd to give Spy a hand. It's not his first time beating bad guys back with a wrench anyhow.

He's also been keeping track of Spy's disguise among the crowd, so he takes a second to throw up a thumbs up. You okay?]

[God, and he thought Scout's voice was annoying on its own. This is his own personal, fresh hell.

He figured they'd register he was there at some point. Now it's just about quickly clearing out the rest, especially with the sentry giving out and Engineer running out of ammunition. That only gives him a second of pause before he moves back in, ready for the kill and shooting Engineer a thumbs up.

Except a wayward swing of a bat hits him in the arm and his disguise flickers just enough that a Scout 'bot notices and hollers, "That freakin' Scout's a Spy!"

Well. That was fun while it lasted. He sighs, shoves the blade of his knife into the 'bot's neck, and pulls out his revolver. Calculated, smooth shots aiming straight for the head while Engineer rushes in with his wrench.]

[Welp. Engineer takes a swing at the offending bot despite the knife already in its neck. At least they made it this far.]

Says somethin' that we fooled 'em for that long, at least.

Longer than I thought we would.

[He fires again, shattering a robot's head. He flinches here and there when he has to turn and put extra weight on his leg, but honestly, the pain's mostly gone, replaced with adrenaline.]

It's a good thing there is only one of our Scout. I'm going to have a migraine for days after this.

You say that--

[Just a couple more left. Easy pickings. The first Scout lifts its scattergun, but Engie's quicker on the draw. He thwacks it out of his hands and checks it with his shoulder, giving him just enough room to deliver the final blow.

His arm's definitely going to ache after this.]

Hff--like he ain't gonna run his mouth anyway.

One voice is infinitely -

[Spy is interrupted as he narrowly dodges a Scattergun blast, firing off one more shot before stepping around Engineer to have a buffer as he reloads. No offense, but you have a wrench, and he just has a knife.

Almost done.]

Less annoying than twenty.

[Fair. There were only two left anyhow. Engineer swings and knocks the head off the first one. He chuckles as he glances back at Spy.]

Dunno if I agree with ya.

[Part of Spy wants to say, "Well, you don't have to live with the knowledge that something that annoying partially came from you".

He doesn't. Instead, he swings around and, with two shots, the last Scout 'bot falls. He waits for a moment to see if there's anything else going to be sneaking around the corner before saying,]

Clear.

[I mean, you could. Engie knows, dude. They all know.

Anyway. The last one goes down, and Engineer finally relents. He exhales - then exhales, and realizes he's not taking in nearly enough air. Damn. Didn't even realize he was out of breath.]

Phew.

[He brings an arm up to swing his wrench over his shoulder - and winces. The adrenaline quickly draining out of him reminds him where he was shot. Smarts, but he'll life. He turns to Spy.]

Much obliged, pard.

[Shh. Let him pretend. Spy sighs heavily, holstering his gun and nodding to Engineer before taking a step forward. And then immediately collapsing against a wall as his leg gives out. All that maneuvering is catching up to his injured self.

He catches himself just enough that he doesn't fall over completely, pushing himself back up with a little effort.]

Yes. But obligation won't mean much unless we get to safety. How is your arm?

[Yikes. Engineer reaches out to try and catch the other merc, but Spy does some of it on his own. He exhales some relief, and shakes his head.]

I'll live. Just take my other arm, or I really will drop you.

[Spy nods and reaches out. He tries not to put too much weight on Engie, but he overextended himself and goddamn does it sting. Both his pride and his leg.]

Thankfully, you've proven reliable more often than not.

[...Was that a compliment? You really should get him first aid, he's becoming delirious.]

Is that a compliment?

[Oh no. Don't think you're getting away with this, Spy. Once Engie had a proper hold on Spy, he walks forward.]

Well, after four years, I'd sure damn hope so. You sure you didn't get a bat in the head, though?

[See: Engineer's shit-eating grin.]

[Spy rolls his eyes. See? This is what happens when you try to be appreciative. Never again, he tells himself for the hundredth time.]

I know. I fear my injuries may be worse than they seem. We should hurry.

[...Okay, he's got a little bit of a smirk on his face.]

It's too late. We'll never revert the damage. You gotta compliment me forever now.

[He's taking him up the hill anyway.]

I would almost rather you leave me to the robots.

[Please don't actually leave him to the robots, they're mildly terrifying up close.

Now that he's been letting his leg resting a little, he puts a little more weight on it, taking more of the load off of Engineer. He hates feeling useless.]

I could still drop you.

[Now it's an offer instead of a threat. Anyway. Engie feels Spy shift his weight. He blinks up.]

Hey, don't overdo it.

And you probably would.

[He does have to admit, Engie's got quite the backbone. He waves it off; he's still supporting himself on Engineer, but limping along so they move a little faster now.]

I am not entirely useless yet.

Neither am I. [Said firmly.] Besides, you won't be useless in a couple minutes anyway.

[Never let it be said that Spy isn't a stubborn asshole. He manages another half of a minute before he realizes it's better to not push himself and takes the extra weight off of his leg.

Stupid Engineers and their logic. Although they do seem to be in the clear for now, so perhaps he can afford not to rush it.]

[Suit himself. Engineer doesn't argue much after that. It's not going to matter when they get back to base. He'll heal the both of them, and they'll be fine.

In fact, the base was just ahead of them now. He could see his sentry guarding the hatch, his dispenser near the door...

... and a big damn Soldier robot rounding the corner.]

Good night Irene.

[Engie hisses and pulls them into a doorway, out of sight. He reaches behind his fact and retrieves his shotgun.

Which also means he's dropping Spy.

Sorry.]

[He spoke too soon.

Spy kind of hits the dirt with an undignified grunt, crawling to lean against the wall and reach for his revolver. If he resents being dropped, he's not saying so. Instead, he stays quiet, looking up to Engineer with a furrowed brow to ask 'what now?'.]

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if you wanna take this in a different direction lmk, i can change my tag

it's good!